In Praise Of
hear the poem

I like football,
My friends they all know.
Yes, really,
I like football, I put on a great show
As I sit with my tinnies
Pizza and coke
Discuss all the merits of that pass,
To that bloke.

I’ve even mastered the rule of off-side
Its my religion, and I watch
No matter what else
Might be on the box.
Because I’m hooked,
A fanatic
Though I have to confess
Its not the football per se
It’s the footballers legs.

I know that its sexist,
Its not cool to fixate,
But I really can’t help it
Its already too late.
As I pull my chair closer,
Right up to the screen
I want to see clearer
Those pins in their socks
A close up is heaven,
Action replay, I’m in there.
I can’t get my fill
Of those sharp hard patellas,
The knotty definition of a quadriceps extensor,
The shapely curve of a gastocnemius.
I’ve studied them all from anatomy books,

But to see them in action,
Taut and defined,
Is my idea girls of a really good time.
And as for the gluteus maximus straining
Through tight satin shorts -
Thank God for hard training!
I can’t get enough of the muscular stuff.
Its sexist I know
To see men as mere objects.
Fixating on body parts
Its quite obnoxious.


But I love it, those legs
They do things to me.
What did they expect?
They asked for it, surely?
Wearing short skimpy shorts
As they flaunted their bodies
In the name of their sport.
It’s no wonder I jump up whenever they score,
Though I try and yell "Yeah!"
It comes out as "Phwoar!"

I don’t care if there’s therapy,
I don’t want to change me,
I’m happy with just who I am
A football supporter -
And a great football leg fan.

Poems
Landmine Nightmare
Minute's Silence
In Praise Of 
Its Different For Girls 
The Beautiful Game 

Background
Biography